I got caught up in the idea that I had wasted some of my life the other day. Wasted it on not feeling good enough, not being thin enough, not being enough really.
Wasted it on doubting myself. Doubting my abilities. Doubting my inner being.
Wasted it on endlessly looking for …. Peace? Acceptance? Love?
Wasted it on people who don’t deserve time. On endeavors that I knew would harm me? Collecting stuff that ultimately adds no value?
Except, the idea occurred to me, that every single thing I have ever done, has led me to here. Every person, every fault, every word, every endeavor, every ‘thing’ I have coveted / wanted / needed, every failed relationship, every miserable moment.
Every glorious moment.
Every honorable friend.
Every smile, every laugh, every step on a very hard road.
They have all brought me to this place where I drove home from bootcamp last night singing and dancing to some silly song that I don’t even remember anymore. But I remember dancing.
Because bootcamp bitches. But more so because
Love for self….
Acceptance of self….
Doing the best I can, and actually doing it.
Being the best I can be, even it if it is not perfect, it being enough.
Facing life head-on. With a smile and a laugh and a joy that I have not had before.
Because I am. I am loud. I am the carrier of a bit of excess weight. I am sarcastic. I am self-conscious. I am too often lost. I am too often doubtful. I am kind. I am loving. I am honorable. I am a good friend. I am a brilliant daughter and sister. I am not alone as long as there are friends. My friends are not alone as long as I breathe. I am courageous. I am hard working. I am brave. I am too often sad. I am more often loved.
I am the best of me.