Sometimes, all the things you didn’t do come back to haunt you.
Sometimes, all the things you did do come back to haunt you.
My dad died when he was 52. He was strong and vibrant and I barely remember him. I remember a smile sometimes. Other times I wonder if I honestly remember. Or just remember what I want to remember.
He never grew old. He never grew frail. He never got weak. He never faded.
The mommy, for reasons they are trying very hard to figure out, has faded. She is sitting in this odd no mans land where words are jumbled and she can’t remember to swallow. This grey area where she knows there is something wrong, and she thinks I can fix it. This hard and horrible place where she wants her mommy. Much like we all do, when shit gets really bad.
I don’t know which is worse. The maybe a memory or the memory of old.
Sometimes, all the things you said and did and didn’t do come back to haunt you.
Sometimes, you take it out on people who don’t really know you. Or know how broken you can be, when it gets hard and you are tired.
Sometimes, all you can do is sit with someone. And let them talk the broken away. Whether it be the broken ‘misremembered’ words. Or their broken self. Everyone should have someone that will sit with them.
Sometimes – we forget what matters. And then Grace reminds us.
Sometimes, Grace is all that sits with you.
Sometime, Grace gets you up and moving and functioning. It keeps you moving when the tired gets you.
Sjoe, I have been gone a while.
Thing happened. Reality shifted. Time passed.
And here we are.
Life has this really annoying and occasionally cool habit of throwing stuff back in your face. At your lowest, or your highest, or somewhere in between. A little memory. A little song. A little blog.
A little bit of God.
I forget sometimes how far I have come. How hard this road was to travel. Sometimes I traveled it alone. Sometimes with family. Sometimes with friends. I have written before about being the Black Sheep. About being the Fat Chick.
Reality is – we are who we are in the moment. As kind or vicious, as generous or selfish, as alive or dead, as happy or sad. All we have is a moment. Because the next moment may be a life ender. Or a reality shifter.
In a moment, a Blessed moment, I walked into a gym with a little bit of hope. And I met a lovely lady who runs a gym, a lady of passion and laughter.
In a moment, an Inspired moment, I faced a lifetime of fears around what I look like. Around inherent sporting ability. And I thought screw it. I joined a gym.
In a moment, a Divine moment, I remembered that even though it is hard. I really do like exercising. I am crap at it. But that doesn’t change the Joy.
I have written before about finding Joy in the small things.
Sometimes the small things are the ache that comes from 18 flights of stairs.
The laughter that comes with trying to skip.
The giggle that accompanies a burpee done in the style of a deranged alien.
Sometimes the small things are driving on a farm road at 5 in the morning. In the mist.
Just you and your God.
Sometimes the small things are realising that you came from here….
I happened across this blog the other day. And watched this video.
And my world changed.
I spoke to a lady at work that farms with pigs. And she brought me to this picture –
This is a gestation cage. A pregnant sow gets put in it and she will never leave it. Never. This becomes her world.
The enclosures measure 2 m x 60 cm.
We are talking about an animal that likes to play. Is smart. Has good long-term memory, and can be socially manipulative. An animal that can tell which people are nice to them and which aren’t. An animal that can distinguish between pigs they know and pigs they don’t.All traits that we think are unique to being human.
And then I happened on these pictures –
I just cannot fathom how big business has managed to create a world where normal, rational, smart human beings have completely disassociated themselves from the fact that bacon comes from a pig. A pig that lives in conditions that are vile. That biltong comes from a cow that is so mistreated that it cannot even stand on it’s own. That chicken comes from an animal that is barely a few weeks old and pumped so full of crap you may as well just inject yourself with that crap and save yourself the trouble.
I grew up on a farm. I have a fundamental idea of where the meat on my plate comes from. I also consider myself an animal lover. One of those fruity folk that will double back to try and rescue the dog running lose in the street.
Yet I have somehow bought into a consumerism that enables the mistreatment of animals on a massive scale. I have turned a blind eye to the fact that a creature somewhere suffered to feed me? A creature whose life is as important to it, as mine is to me?
I have no doubt that humans, once upon a long ago, were supposed to eat meat. Needed to eat meat. That was before big business. That was before animal cruelty became normal.
That was before I knew that over 56 billion farmed animals are being killed every year by humans. That more than 3,000 animals die every second in slaughterhouses around the world. And that doesn’t even include fish and other sea creatures whose deaths are so great they are only measured in tonnes.
And just so you know – the pictures above? That is factory farming in America. That is exactly what our Government has signed a deal with Barrack Obama to let into our country by the bucket load. Oh and in the process just completely destroyed our own agriculture and farming sector.
I have to date never had a problem eating meat. I would even say I have always loved the taste of a good steak, on a open fire.
I have a problem with how that animal died. And I have a massive issue with how it lived.
And then there is the niggle…..
It will not leave my head nor my consciousness….
Babe is really no different to Blossom.
I would never even almost contemplate eating Blossom.
One day we will all be asked a question. Perhaps by our God, perhaps by our children. Perhaps by our own conscience.
How did you live, that bettered the world? Did any thing or any one suffer needlessly because of you?
I will no longer eat Babe and all those like Babe.
For the sake of my own soul.
Quote attributed to Johnny Depp - There is injustice in this world, stop ignoring it like it's not real, animals or humans.