Sometimes

Everyone gets sad sometimes. When we think about the things we have lost. The things that have lost us.

But mostly I think we get sad when we focus too intently on the things that we never had.

Today is a one of those days, for someone I know. Someone laid low and immobile by life, and by circumstance.

A day of reflecting on the whoever’s that left, the whoever’s that stayed, and the whoever’s that never were.

Perhaps a day spent reflecting on the things that we just, quite simply, can never get right. No matter how hard our brain tries.

A day of ache’s and a pain that is constant. Powerless to stop. Right now anyway.

A day wondering about the losses we still feel so very keenly. And the injustices. And forgiveness.

A day of feeling wholeheartedly sorry for ourselves. Just because we do. It is length of time that becomes an actual problem.

Pain is not less because another suffers more.

Pain is pain.

Sadness is sadness.

Sometimes the weight of unshed tears is heavy. Unbearable. Like concrete.

Except think on this, for one moment.

A quote from my current favourite author –

“…there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There’s the little empty pain of leaving something behind – graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There’s the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expectations. There’s the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn’t give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life they grow and learn. There’s the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.

And if you’re very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realized that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last – and yet will remain with you for life.

Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don’t feel it.

Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it’s a big part, and sometimes it isn’t, but either way, it’s a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you’re alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.”

This pain, right now and in your face, is fleeting. This sadness. This sorrow and difficulty.

Soon  – Grace will return to it’s full light. To shine on the things that we do right. On the souls that occupy our heart. That should occupy our heart. The ones that have earned places.

On the gains, instead of the losses.

Hang on. Just for one moment more. Wait for Grace. It is always there, it never really leaves, I promise. It is just hidden, by ourselves sometimes. So wait till you see it again.

For the clouds in your head to clear a bit.

Hang on.

Quote is from The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher

Perception

What is bravery? Is it donning body armor and walking into the most dangerous shanty towns in Brazil? Is it a police woman or man getting up and facing the darkest parts of humanity every day? Is it soldiers at war, for their ideology or country?

Or is putting one foot in front of the other, when your foot is tired and your body is weak and nothing wants to work anymore?

Is it getting out of bed on the mornings when the pain and uncertainty weighs you down like concrete?

Is it managing to find laughter and joy and peace amidst the chaos that your life has become?

What is grace? Is it the woman who walk down the catwalks of Milan, in clothing that costs more than a small car? Is it the artificially stunning people of Hollywood who flaunt their wealth and beauty to the world? Is it a long dead princess, with an entourage of beauticians in the wings?

Or is it a glow in your skin because you are doing all you possibly can to be the best you can?

Is it a nature that finds the best in every soul it comes across?

Is it a soul, filled with joyous light where there should be sadness?

What is love? Is it Shakespearian dramas filled with angst and resistance? Is it the body of lust and shallowness? Is it the movies we see?

Or is it the love one soul has for another, which transcends health?

Is it giving your everything for one who has no strength?

Is it the caretaker, the nurturer, the selfless?

Perhaps it is all these things. And many more.

I have a friend with Multiple Sclerosis. Every day her bravery, joy and strength inspires me.

As does her beloved, whose attentiveness and selflessness astounds me every day.

Too often we don’t have any role models. Anyone to teach us how to find the best in ourselves just by being who they are.

I have 2.