I wonder sometimes, in the moments when I bully myself, if I am the only one in this world built the way I am.
In the darkness – yes I am.
But in the light – I know I am not. I am sure the world is full of souls like mine.
People who are just a little outside the box.
People who find it easier to be cruel to themselves than it is to be kind to themselves.
People that, for whatever reason, never quite fit in growing up. So they grew up on the outskirts and in the shadows. In the places where you learn to be a loner and alone.
People who at 40 years of age, still feel like they are only just starting to get things right.
People who still find the dreams they dream, just that little bit out of reach.
I have written before about my bucket list. Those are the things I want to do, given the time and the money.
But for my soul. For my hope. For me, there are things I need to do. Things for my future. Things to make me happy. Things that will heal.
I just don’t know how.
I make these great strides forward, huge leaps and bounds in the right direction. Until I sabotage myself in some way. And fall a bit behind again.
I need a manual. Which is what got me here, to this blog.
Reaching out to all the other souls like mine. The seekers. The dreamers. The side-lined. The flawed and hopeful.
Perhaps they will find me. Perhaps they will share their stories with me. Or perhaps they will find my story. And the moments when you feel the most isolated, will not be so lonely anymore.