This blog is the place where I am fully able to be who I am – warts, freckles, fat rolls and all.
It is the place where truth needs to live, if I am to have any recourse from the lies I tell myself in my harshest moments.
Today is a harsh moment.
I woke up this morning and my brain chose to have a judgment day. And I was left wanting.
It is so difficult when you suffer from low self-esteem and you live alone. There is no gentle bolstering. No offhand kindness. There is just you and your brain in overdrive telling you what you are not.
Not in a relationship.
That last one echoes. Not enough. Never enough.
What is enough?
So as I sit here, I have my well-worn and well-rehearsed mantra running through my head on auto play. All of them truth or versions of my truth.
You are thinner than you were.
You are fitter than you were.
You are too independent to be in a relationship.
Your family loves you and would miss you.
Who needs to be adored?
You are enough.
But still the thought and the echo linger. Not enough. Never enough.
I am enough.